Every Rose Has It's Thorn....

Sidelines:

And Ra do I have a big one.... Yes, this is Rose.. I quit writing a wile back, but... Something has been happening that confuses me... it makes me feel weird...

I had long since returned to me assassin ways. LONG ago.... Not long after returning to Theron's palace I guess you can say. Not long after Kay went back to her goody good self and Orifiel turned back to Angel. I was never the type to settle with anyone. I thought he knew that. But he... he kind of caught me with another and he snapped. I didn't see a problem wth it... but the age old saying comes to mind, "You never know what you have until it's gone." I never actually thought of Orifiel being mine though. Nor did I ever think of myself as his. We were a lot alike. Both dark in heart. Both enjoying the embrace evil gave us. Both laying with pretty much anyone it suited us... He has no idea just how much alike we really are. I have never made the other side of me that noticable. For my own personal reasons...

My life... seemed empty when he returned to Angel. But they seemed so right for each other. She completed him, gave him the light he needed in his life...

But I still sense an uneasiness within him when I am near.

I witnessed the crumbling end to RIJ and Sanura... to be honest I still don't quite understand why, but in the end... It was probably for the best... Still she aches for the wildness he brought to her. Ori... is good and all, but... he seems a bit too unsure of himself... He likes a woman who is herself and doesn't try to be who she isn't, but he can't handle a very forward woman either... A contradiction in himself of my own opinion... Or maybe the boy is just too shy for his own good... eh *shrugs* I'm no experct on love affairs... I stay away form the feeling if I can...

Unfortunately... It's a weakness of mine. Red and Orifiel locked onto it and used it against me...

They would catch me off guard and unprepared. Both would kiss me on the cheek... I am certain it wasn't Red who activated my shut down... I am almost positive it was Orifiel.... I always hid feelings that I'd had for him... I had a reputation to uphold.. then there was teh time we could have killed each other... I have a bad habit of masking what my heart feels by showing hate and contempt...

Red made a mistake when he disowned his daughter. She snapped and lost her light... Even under Adrian's care, she still managed to turn... She had one of Adrian's assassin's contact me and bring me to her. As a side thought- damn is that man hot.... And not so bad in the bedroom... or anywhere else I might add... *coughs* Back on point...

She hired me to take out anyone who had ever had anything to do with Red. Gave me a list and everything- I have to admit I was surprised by a few of the names on the list... Like Angel's... And Zahara- Raven's own aunt... But the name that stopped me was Orifiel's... When I met with my team I handed the names out, but I kept Orifiel's to myself... I wasn't sure I could handle his death... I knew the others would have no problem, but something inside me softens when it comes to him. I tried to plead to Raven to get her to change her mind. But she would not budge... I knew I had to. But I wasn't so sure I could.

Sure enough- Malik went first, Serenity... Sweet child, caught up in something she knew nothing about. Then Orifiel made a mistake... He returned to the palace. He came with Angel and Xavier, all of which were named... I did not really believe the others would seek out his wife and son so quickly... I got there in the middle of it all. Angel was barely hanging on and Orifiel... Dark yet sweet Orifiel... he was begging for her life. For hers and Xavier's... What little heart I had twisted... I couldn't let him suffer, but I couldn't get Raven to change her mind either. I approached him. I was ready to end it all... not only to fulfill the duty handed to me- but to free my heart from him... I begged his forgiveness.. I was ready... but Raven came to and she stopped me... Unable to face him... unable to see him with his family, I left.... That is the first time I remember ever really crying ...

Rose Hart... never cries...

She's not human... She can't feel such things... *whispers* She can't....

He has no idea that the Kay he was speaking to was me... Kay... was killed a few months back under orders of another. She walked right into the trap even before it was prepared... I watched- though I wish I had't... She seemed battered and bruised. I found it odd as I knew she had just been with Ori. I don't recall him ever being quite so violent. So either he has changed or someone got to her before we did.

Orifiel seems to like seeing Kay... I don't know why- he says he loves her... I didn't think people like he and I could love... But he says he loves Anel too which makes me wonder if he even knows what love is... He has a good woman in Angel... A loyal one. She's been good to Xavier too which I thought should account for something... But he is drawn by the same darkness that calls to me...

I didn't realize it at first... but when I woke up between Orifiel and Red... I hated that confusion. I hated that I had no idea what happened. I was handcuffed to Orifiel... Out of instinct I reacted with anger. He probably thought I hated him. Red got out before I could stop him. That left me alone with Orifiel.... That was a bad situation... One I had been wanting for such a long time, but the timing was wrong. He was someone's husband... Not just any someone- Angel.... A light that powerful.... I couldn't be the one to break her like that... I have a strange feeling within her. When I first made an appearance as Kay, he told "Kay" he loved her- instantly Angel seemed to stop breathing. I sensed it- a strong from of old magic. It gripped her and would not let go. To have him voice his feelings to another... I don't know if it would actually kill her... But something terrible would be the end result... If the former vessel of the Cerena Crystal turns evil.... She could very easily revive Theron.... and return the darkness to any who lost it. Adrian, Raven, Sanura.... all of us would be drawn together. I don't think Aurora knows this. Even I just learned it while going through some of Theron's things.

Still... I was there- with Orifiel... alone... Nothing like being cuffed to a man you have secretly wanted for so long... I had him... Right where I could have had him... and I could tell he was ready... But after a few kisses... Something stopped me... I don't know what, but I looked down at him and I knew I had to stop... It took a lot for me to. I usually never would have cared. Would have done it anyway... And I can't guarantee that if given another chance, I would be able to stop myself, next time...

I tried to explain it to him... He was hurt, disappointed, but hurt. I never meant to hurt him. I would have given anything to have laid with him just once more... But not in that house... not anywhere near her... And it could never be more. He has to keep his vow...

I am a killer... He says Stefan is my boyfriend... but he too is a killer... Like me it means nothing to go from bed to bed... We are like toys to each other...

But if I can't be with Orifiel...

Stefan is a nice replacement...

He at least understands me....

But that doesn't change what I feel in the end...

I'm Addicted....

posted by Lady Aurora Phoenix @ 7:53 AM Comments: 0