Rose- confusion
What is this feeling inside me? It burns in a place a heart should be. It is almost like longing. I don't think I have ever felt it before... at least not like this. I mean... Orifiel and Gabriel... they were fun and both I enjoyed but... Neither of them can hold a candle to my newest employer. He does things no one has ever done before. He has a way about him that... almost makes me feel like I want to be controlled for once. I have sent so much of my time being out solely for myself that I have no idea what it is like to actually want to give someone else any kind of control over me.
I don't know. I never get involved with my employers. It is a common rule that I have so it is easy for me to leave when the job is done. But... a part of me wants him to not let me go. I don't know why, but... Maybe it's his Power, the commanding presence he holds... Maybe it's his look... I don't know, something about him just... just won't leave my mind even when we are apart. I find myself wanting to do everything in my Power to impress him.
No... I have never felt like this before. Quite honestly...it's the only thing about my current job that worries me. There could be many things that could happen as a result. Not just him letting me go and my getting hurt, but... Already I find myself placing myself in serious situations whenever my employer is in trouble... But he always seems to heal me afterward. And when he touches me...
He is trying to get Dante and Vergil as part of a plan to get back at their father. Alreadythe brothers have come and gone from this place on a few occassions. This last time, it was thought for sure that vergil would have remained behind, but... he didn't want to listen. Now he has a lover who has lost her demon self for a short period of time. With which my employer must decide soon if he is going to take advantage of this situation or not. What happens to me, what I do, here I go... Right now it is up to my employer...
And oddly... I am okay with letting my fate rest in his hands...
oh boy....
Too much to cover, not enough time to cover it all.
I have been spending my days at the chruch lately. Safer that way and the priest has been good enough to offer me a room to rest. Ori is always in the garden anyway. Not like he misses me much at night. And when he wants to see me, he can see me in the church.
Something has been happening... I don't know what Orifiel is going through but... It's a lot on him. He tells me that he is going to go back to Aura but... She is still in her coma. Has been ever since he left her. Dorian calls it the Sleeping beauty/Snow White syndrom. Only Orifiel's promised kiss of return will wake her. But he is off doing Ra knows what. Last I heard it was some competition he was doing to beat RIJ's record of something... Yes, I all him RIJ. If he wanted friendship I could give him that, but he doesn't even try. He is still too much obsessed with my sister. So he remains RIJ to me as far as I am concerned. He has rejected our children. Last I heard Orion and Orifiel had something on the side and Raven... She seems to be doing okay with Commander Suranto, but still... I sense saddness within her.
I am skirting around things... It seems Orifiel has been commondeering Ori's body... I have to admit, it is very enjoyable when he does this. But now... there are conesquneces to this and I have no idea how to tell Ori... All I know is what the test showed, but I have to get an official tet yet which I have been afraid to get. I know I would have to tell Ori and I don't know what he would think. I know he will wonder about it. But timing from the last time I was with Ori fits... not the last time Orifiel took Ori's body. It is the only explanation and because I am with Ori so few times it is easy to pick things like this out.
I fear his reaction though. I fear what he will do.
And a part of me fears that he still looks to Angel as something more than a friend. I think a part of him still has very strong feelings for her, but his religious background refuses to allow him to do anything about it... We went to her secret wedding... For a moment I thought he was going to object to it. But 1 he had no real reason especially with me there, and 2... Dante and Vergil tend to scare even me, so I can only imagne what their presence does to him.
I have to trust in him and our marriage. I do love him and want this to work. I just hope this child helps and doesn't hurt... Ori can help me bring this child up the way it should... With the light of God in its heart...
Breaking free...
Sanura:
(RP)
Things still seem to be moving along very well. Orion is very attached to his father. I can't even give him a bathunless Gabriel is right there in the room with us. I am glad they both love each other so much... but I have been feeling strange again... I wonder... could it be?
He was so confused when it came to Orion.... what will he do if he learns there could be another child on the way?
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(side)
I honestly cannot see a fuure with Ori any longer. He never touches me. Great for conversation yes. Faithful definitely... but... He wants me to act like a nun. That is not who I am. I have never been very nun-like. No... Things had been tense between us because I have had to hold back my true self for so long. And for what?
I came down the stairs the other day to him telling the others that he could accept me only if I put on a top.... He says he is not the type to peek inside the Playboy mansion... His words... his tone... he basically made it sound like I was whore. Me? A whore? I've never done anything remotely whore-is. And yet he's the 2nd one to accuse me of it. I'm sick of it...
If I am going to be accused, I might as well become the monster he once thought me to be. So I donned one of Rose's best seductress outfits and left. Low and behold I run into Gabriel... but he thought I was Rose. I had changed my hair, my look.. everything. The black rose tattoo that I normally hide, was very much clear and visible.
Gabriel shocked me by some of the things he said about me, not realizing he was talking to me. We kissed... and I felt a familiar fire burn. It was a fire I thought was killed off, but no. It only burns brighter and stronger. ALl that passion that he said was gone, I wanted to show him that it still remained. I wasnted... I wanted him. But I wanted him to want me. Not Rose... so when we agreed to go somewhere private... I told him. Then I gave him direct answers to every question he set to me. It was the most honest I had ever been to him in all the years we had been together. I told him that I was tired of dreaming about him, I wanted him if only for one last time.
I still don't know what happeened exactly... One minute we are talking and I feel like there just isn't a chance. The next minute I am on the bed with him over top of me... It was hot.. hot hot hot... I don't think it has ever been that passionate before. It's like there was something inside of him that he kept hidden from me all this time. Has he always still carried feelings for me?
He has a choice to make... He has someone... The question comes down to who and what he wants more. I wish him the best in his decision, it sure is not the easiest decision in the world. If he chooses her, there will be nothing more between us... I can accept it and move on...
But I don't really want to let him go. He will always have my heat...
I still love you, Gabriel... I will always love you...
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Rose:
(RP) .... All I can say is I think that taking control this time worked against me... I cannot come out for a while after this... Of course she is capable of seducing him on her own... but it had been so long *frowns sighs*
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(side)
Theron pressed too far. I am all for roughness, anyone who has been wth me knows this, but... I am always a willing participant. Never have I not been willing until now. The beating I took at his hands went all the way through to Sanura even. I hadn't realize we were still so connected. I guess I have to be careful afterall.
Red and I kept finding ourselves playing these headgames with each other. I have to be careful. I have had one secret that I have guarded very carefully for almost 18 years now... I have no intention of revealing it now. I can't. Malcolm is trying to get close enough to figure it out, I know, but I won't even try.
Malcolm... I wondered if our paths would cross again. He is fun to play around with and he has made a decent friend to me. Still... I can't let anything happen between us while he has Red. I just feel like it would be bad if it happened...
Then there was Raven's kidnapping... NO one takes my daughter and expects to get away wth it. Whoever took her will go own as well as Theron. Now if only I could figure out where Sanu took off with my favorite clubbing outfit... She's been gone for an awfully long time... Red, too for that matter...
I can only think one thing... and I am not so sure that it's a good thing...
